FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
