bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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