I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
