Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
