So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
