im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
