I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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