you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
