I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Green mimosas i think yes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
