So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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