I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
