My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
