She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
