I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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