Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
