I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
