So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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