just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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