Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
