I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
that's an acceptable place to lick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
