what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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