just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
