Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
