I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
