Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
