Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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