he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
