Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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