her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
