i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
