Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
