It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
