is wine microwaveable?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
