I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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