Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
