Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
