Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
