my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
