I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
