Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
