The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
