We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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