Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize