haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
