I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
