i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
