So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
