you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I enjoy the company of your penis
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
