Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
