My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
