thus making me awesome and them whores
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
