It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
