I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
