I need to stop coming to work sober
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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