I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Randomize