am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize