Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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