I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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