just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
