my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
