I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
