It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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