I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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