She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
