I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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