im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
