i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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